I’d bet that you’d never think to pair the words “messy” and perfectionist” in the same sentence. But perfectionism comes in all shapes and sizes. That’s according to Katherine Morgan Schafler, who has written The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power. In it, she frees up perfectionists to lean into their perfectionism as long as it’s working for them and doing no harm (more on that in future posts.) Schafler has developed a quiz to help you learn where you fall on the perfectionism spectrum – not all perfectionists care about the same things or act the same way about every issue.
I’d also bet that you’ve met a Messy Perfectionist. They’re the friend or family member who has a new fixation or project just about every week. In fact, you may have to wade through the layers of their abandoned projects like an archaeologist studying layers of fossils. In the spare bedroom are all the supplies for oil painting. (Lasted one month.) In the corner of the garage, you’ll see the power tools and a couple hundred dollars of materials for shelves she never started building. They’re next to the unused expensive workout equipment and the posters she’s half finished for the charity event coming up in a week.
It’s exhausting to think about (or live with) and exhausting for the messy perfectionist, too.
Schafler describes these perfectionists like this: “Messy perfectionists are in love with starting. Unlike their procrastinator perfectionist counterparts, nothing brings a messy perfectionist more joy than beginnings. Messy perfectionists are optimistic and “start happy,” but they struggle to maintain momentum unless the remainder of the process feels as exciting and as energizing (i.e., as perfect) as it did in the beginning. Since that never happens, messy perfectionists who haven’t yet learned how to use their perfectionism to their advantage take on a million and seven projects only to abandon them all.”
Schafler says it can be a delicate process to support these messy perfectionists. You want them to feel loved and supported, but you also have to be the one to kill their darlings by reminding them of how reality works – and how they have operated so far. If they don’t or can’t listen, she says, you have to be ready to support and cushion them through the crash.
“The crash is inevitable,” she writes, “because messy perfectionists contending with unmanaged perfectionism disregard natural and unavoidable resource constraints (time, money, physical energy, etc.) in enthusiastic and active pursuit of their dreams.”
Messy perfectionists also want everyone to share their enthusiasm and newly-discovered passion for… whatever it is this week. They reject the idea that, (no matter how gently you approach it), while you can do anything, you can’t do everything. YOU just have a negative attitude, they will inform you indignantly. “No wonder I get discouraged when I’m contending with your negative energy.”
Schafler says these perfectionists are a gift to the universe. “We need messy perfectionists in the world; they are the champions of possibility. They effortlessly push through the anxiety of a new beginning. They inspire others with their enthusiasm and optimism, and the world would be a dim place without them around. Messy perfectionists possess tremendous gifts, but none of those gifts can come to fruition without focus.”
They also may not literally be messy. They may simply have a million ideas “organized” in a system that only makes sense to them. Here’s a hilarious example from Schafler:
- Dog Walking Business Plan
- Dog Walking Business Plan 2
- Dog Walking Business Plan Post-Thanksgiving Version
- Dog Walking Business Plan New
- Dog Walking Business Plan For Real
- Dog Walking Business Plan Final
- Dog Walking Business Plan Open This One
She says, “Multiply that by everything they try to take on and you can see the problem.”
But there have been successful Messy Perfectionists, ones who have learned to focus on one idea at a time and channel their energy into producing amazing results. I’ll cover how they can learn to do this in later posts.
Find posts on the the Classic Perfectionist, the Parisian Perfectionist, and the Procrastinating Perfectionist.
Finally, in a future post, you’ll meet the Intense Perfectionist. Brace yourself.
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